MONDAY 16TH JUNE 2025
The cold against a tounge sinking deeper into a melting skull. A vivid presence felt close. Lives of evil rush through. A cold press is all left. A slight resistance and a click. All left alone. Darkness creeping. Light rushing away. Ending of each life. A splash of red. A wall dried and painted. A click and bang. Life fleeting. Work useless. The vivid presence no longer felt. Relief a last. Soul left to the device of a dead man. No longer pained for a heartless existance. No longer forced. A true sense of free will. Infinite in despair. Yet still cold and alone. The end not fulfilled by the extremes. Pained breaths as found. A broken hearted friend. A pained mother. Ignorant until each end. Life fleeting from each rattle. Finally not disturbed. A once full man heaped in clumps. Pools form. Life ends. Yet no true peace is found in memory.
SUNDAY 22ND JUNE 2025
Sometimes I leave a tab open with my accounts logged in. Constantly refreshing. Just to see if anybody will message me or interact with me. Usually it's a no. Instead of that, I went out for a walk in a storm. Not very much of a storm but still as English as you will get. I had a lot of time to think. Do people really like me? I know a lot of people, I consider a lot of them as friends. Honestly though, none of them like me. They don't ask me out. They don't plan things. They don't interact with me. They don't invite me to things. And don't say "well they never had my number" They always did. They always had and always will. I'm sick and tired of trying and trying and trying for no reason. I feel like a ghost in my own skin. I have no-one to really call on. I'm depressed. It's not obvious. I use every bit of energy I have to keeping up a laughing persona for everybody but I can't deal with it. It's painful. I stand every single day of every single year keeping up this mask of confidence and happiness to everyone I see. I am not confident or happy. But with each day I put on this persona. Even when I open up to someone I truly trust, They betray me. I feel trapped. I feel alone. I feel like I have no-one. No matter how many people 'care' about me, they never do. They think they do but they don't. But when I finally get time to myself, I spend it dreading another day alive. I dread a gift given to me. I dread having to spend time with anyone because with people I feel trapped. I feel isolated. With people, I don't feel I belong. Like a freak. Like a monster in human skin. Even when left alone, I don't feel like I truly want to be alone. I want somebody. I want a partner, A listener. One who doesn't judge. Yet even with them I would feel misunderstood. Like I can't live up to the expectations put on me. And keeping up confidence every day drains me. Each breath drains me. I yearn to die in my sleep or peacefully pass but I can't. I'm afraid of death. I feel it will never change. I rant online for hours to anyone that will listen. Anyone that makes me feel that life is worth living. That is what I am doing here. Grasping into the unknown hoping for someone to listen or each day to pass faster than the last. Any reaction or laugh I have is fake. I simply don't have the energy to form a genuine opinion anymore. It's easier to fake it all. Every time I have showed true emotion I was shot down. It hurts to put up my true self because no-body cares. I put energy into being myself and by the end of the day, I have none left. Putting up a fake personality has led to it being my personality. People know no other. I just hate myself. I never tell anyone. And I'm not one to hurt myself. I have school tommorow. I'm drained enough from today. I have to put up another personality for the others and watch them ignore it. I don't know. Im just ranting, sorry for anyone who read this.
TUESDAY 1ST JULY 2025
You know what I hate? PEOPLE . Especially when I am talking to someone, and another comes up and cuts me off mid sentence. Hello? I AM RIGHT FUCKING HERE. STOP TRYING TO CUT ME OFF....... Gawwwwwwwwwwwd. That just pisses me off really fucking badly. Why do you want to piss me off? WHY? I am higher than you. You have no right to do anything close to me. If you do... I'll shoot you. Another thing is anyone who talks too loud. Just stop yelling. We don't need to hear about how you find the shittest joke ever muttered. I get I'm a hypocrite on this. But that's fine. I can be one. Just no-one else. Because I am higher than all of you fuckers. I hate you all. You should all know that. I don't talk or give attention to you for a reason. Just stop talking to me. Just let me stay in control. And you won't piss me off. Then maybe we will get along. If you don't want to get along with me, keep talking. But expect to die. Violently, slowly and mostly importantly... Painfully. Another thing. When people question my authority. I AM FUCKING BETTER THAN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! SHUT THE FUCK UP. I do not care about what you have to say because you are all stupid. Very few people are deserving of my time, respect and worth. Those people are very little. They let me do my own thing and follow along. I will only let them take control if it benefits me. Another thing. I am not an incel. But I hate modern women. If I could, anyone who is relatively breedable would be bred. That reminds me. The few things I like in a woman. SUBMISSIVE!!!!!! they have to be. I refuse to date anyone who isn't. Let alone breed them. It wouldn't be compatible with my "kinks" or whatever the fuck kids call them now. I'm into rough sex. None of this slow sensual shit. If you are going to do a job. DO IT RIGHT! Make her cry. Make here beg and choke. It makes it better. It makes me feel better to think about how something I have can cause that. If a random guy can. Why can't I. I'm going to shut the fuck up now
MONDAY 18TH AUGUST 2025
I fucking hate people now, I know it's such an "edgy teen" thing to say... but fuck it. People are shit, I hate every person I have met in my entire life. Only a select 5 make my cut of worthy to live. I just can't fucking deal with these non-deserving pig fucks making themself seem worthy of any respect to anyone. Let alone me. They want respect from me? THEY DON'T FUCKING DESERVE ANY OF IT. My respect is earnt through giving a fuck about me, people that I respect or my family. If you don't do that. You should be slowly beheaded as you kick and scream with each ridge of my knife slicing across your windpipe. That is how I feel about most people that will ever read this. Including police, friends, the internet when they turn my journal into a fucking book. Now I sound like a fucking corny bitch. Back to my point, You don't automatically deserve anything from me. I'm sorry to the people that think they do. Most chavvy people think they do. They just try and scare you. The same with gypos and fake tough children. That is the truth.
MONDAY 1ST SEPTEMBER 2025
OH BOY! its time to talk about SEX. Honestly, I don't feel as bad as usual lately so I might as well make it public. 1: Rough sex... 2: Anal... 3: Deepthroat... 4: Tits... 5: Hair pulling... 6: Choking... 7: Crying... 8: Hatefucking... That's about it to be honest. I just like more rough stuff